Today

I found this poem today and it really says things that I don't know how to express. We went to the dr in Tucson again. I don't know why that every time I go to TMC my heart skips a beat and I just want to cry and run in and ask for my baby back. Crazy Huh. Well we are finding out that I don't have any blood clot disorder and maybe there was something wrong with logan's chromosomes and he would have struggled in life had he made it. I know that heavenly father has a plan, His plan, and we are just part of it. He is preparing for something big in heaven and I am so glad to be somewhat apart of it in some way.

My butterfly By Kimberly de Montbrun

I long to feel the soft weight of you
to welcome you home, with kisses
on silky round cheeks.


Instead my arms ache with the
weight of your absence,
the empty places that were meant for you
to grow into.


My love for you will last an eternity.
My hopes and dreams now carried
on the fragile wings of each butterfly passing
compelling me to pause,
to savor each moment,


each flutter in my heart,
your wings.

Happenings

So we have had alot going on. Which has been good for me. I still have those good and bad days. More good than bad. When May comes I don't know how things will be. Its been hard seeing people pregnant and knowing that it isn't happening to me. We went to the dr in Tucson that delivered logan and she has done alot of research on hellp syndrome and why it happened to me. She thinks I have a blood clotting disorder, and that is why my blood pressure went so bad. So I had alot of test done and we go back in 2 weeks to get the results. Justin has also been so busy, he had his 10th birthday! I cant.
believe he is growing up so fast. He also had pine wood derby for the last time and he had to go and win 1st!!
Pine wood derby finals here we come! Well the mountain had lots of snow this year and
so we made the trek up and had so much fun. JJ's sister and her family, and his brother and his family and mom came The kids had so much fun, till it was all over and the wet clothes had to come off. Gosh it was cold on the toes.

Well we have alot coming up to. My baby sister is getting married in may and that we are looking forwards to. Plus I have to fit into a brides maid dress, so you know what that means, DIET!!! Wish me luck!! Kashlee's birthday, and some fun things for her.